


four sundays

by twohourstraffic



Series: take this sinking boat and point it home [13]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Advent Calendar, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Gen, M/M, Multimedia, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9367670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twohourstraffic/pseuds/twohourstraffic
Summary: @ericbittleRemember when I thought my life was always going to be picturesque and perfect?@ericbittleLMAO PAST ME WAS AN IDIOT.The four Sundays of December 2029, through Bitty’s Twitter.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should be more sorry that this is, like, a month late. AND YET. Better late than never?

 

**2\. decorating the tree**

**@ericbittle  
** FIRST SUNDAY OF ADVENT  
IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS TIME 

**@ericbittle  
** SECOND OF DECEMBER  
SECOND DAY OF THE ADVENT CALENDAR  
DECORATING THE TREE TIME

 **@ericbittle  
** UGLY SWEATERS ON Y’ALL  
I WILL WRESTLE NOAH INTO A SWEATER IF IT KILLS ME

 **@ericbittle  
** @bonrod I think the Bittles were German once???? I honestly don’t know – advent’s always been a big deal. Church n candles n stuff.

 **@ericbittle  
** Also, Advent Sunday is Tree Day aka Make Jack Get Stuff Down From The Attic Day aka #hockeybuttappreciationday

 **@ericbittle  
** G: Daddy why are you standing at the bottom of the ladder watching Papa carry boxes?  
DAT ASS MY CHILD.

 **@ericbittle  
** J: He’s making sure I don’t fall, sweetheart  
J: *least subtle wink of all time*  
G: EWWWWWWWW

 **@ericbittle  
** OK when your kindergartner can see you flirting, it’s time to take it down a notch.

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Watcha drawin Gabs?  
G: You watching Papa carry boxes  
J: Bits, your eyes are hearts. Nice.

 **@ericbittle**  
I think she’s chirping me.

 **@ericbittle**  
Jack definitely is. Asshole.

 **@ericbittle  
** OK tree decorating time brb.

 **@ericbittle  
** Remember when I wanted the tree to look straight out of a magazine? It looks like a kindergarten class threw things at it until they stuck.

 **@ericbittle  
** It looks cute, though. It's ours anyway, which is the most important thing.

 **@ericbittle  
** And it's got decorations from when Jack and I were kids and they're amazing slash hilarious.   
Jack was not an artiste. 

 **@ericbittle  
** (neither was i but i won't tell if y'all don't)

 **@ericbittle  
** Tree decorating method: trying to make it look good before Gabi gets bored and Noah starts pulling stuff off again and Jack has to go to work.

 **@ericbittle  
** Bittle Christmas Tree Tradition #1: Gabs puts the star on the top  
Gonna be so controversial next year when Noah knows what's happening.

 **@ericbittle  
** Time to invent a tradition for him. 

 **@ericbittle  
** "Gabs puts the star on for the star that guided the wise men to Bethlehem and you hang on the cow for all of the cows that were there."

 **@ericbittle  
** We'll work on it.

 **@ericbittle  
** I shared my concerns with Jack and he just laughed for about thirty seconds which   
IF YOU KNOW MY HUSBAND  
IT'S A REALLY LONG TIME 

 **@ericbittle  
** Oh my god he's texting the group chat about it. 

 **@ericbittle  
** And his mom. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Babe I know I'm hilarious but please don't share my shortcomings as a father with the entire world.

 **@ericbittle  
** Aaaaaaaand here come the chirps. 

 **@ericbittle  
** L: Bits I'll make you a cow ornament if you want   
H: I fought my sisters for who got to put the angel on the tree   
H: And I was tallest soooo

 **@ericbittle  
** Meanwhile Shitty is being useless and Ransom is sending me different caps of that video with the cow that got stuck up the tree 

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Haha  
R: I KNEW YOU WATCHED IT   
R: I KNEW IT    
R: TREE COW LIVES   
R: TREE COW THRIVES   
S: FUckin tree cow was like five years ago, move on

 **@ericbittle  
** Never ignore Ransom when he's talking about Meme Culture, it'll come back to haunt you. He still does impressions of the History of Japan.

 **@ericbittle  
** If you're too young to remember the History of Japan, I don't know what to say to you.

 **@ericbittle  
** Aaaaaand Noah's pulling over the tree. Thank God for Jack.

 **@ericbittle  
** J: WHY  
N: *blinks*  
J: * decides that it's Distract The Baby Time*  
J: *throws N over shoulder and pretends not to know where he is for 5 mins*

 **@ericbittle  
** N: PAPA  
J: Who is that?   
N: PAPA HI NOAH HI 

 **@ericbittle  
** J: I can't see anyone??????  
N: PAPA HI ME   
J: Eric, can you see anyone?  
N: PAPA HI   
Me: Honey just give me one more minute and the tree is done

 **@ericbittle  
** Meanwhile Gabi has decided to supervise and is sitting cross-legged on the couch, criticising my positioning of the ornaments. 

 **@ericbittle  
** G: To the left.   
G: THE LEFT.   
Me: That is the left, sweetheart. Look at your hands, remember? Which one makes an L?  
G: oh ok TO THE RIGHT

 **@ericbittle  
** #teachablemoment #goodparenting #ignorethescreamingtoddlerandeverythingisfine

 **@ericbittle  
** Oh my GOD UPDATE  
Gabi just pulled out her drawing at Sunday Dinner. She’s passing it around the table.

 **@ericbittle**  
“Daddy loves Papa a lot so he was making sure that he was safe but also he thought that it was pretty which is SO GROSS”

 **@ericbittle**  
Kill me now.

 **@ericbittle**  
Shitty: To be fair, his ass IS pretty.  
G: UNCLE SHITTY WHY  
Me: UNCLE SHITTY WHY  
J: *tries, fails to look surprised*

 **@ericbittle**  
Ransom: Babe why don’t you look at me like that?  
Holster: BABE  
Holster: Your ass is incredible  
Ransom: BABE

 **@ericbittle**  
Shitty: TRUE LOVE  
Lardo: Pls don’t start.

 **@ericbittle  
** Sometimes I dream of the days before I knew these losers but then I realize how lucky I am.

 **@ericbittle  
** G: Parents are so weird.  
Elise: *starts shrieking, probably in agreement* **  
** Noah: *trying to climb out of his seat to reach cheese*

 **@ericbittle  
** Babies are weird.

 **@ericbittle  
** Families are weird.

 **@ericbittle  
** But I love ‘em anyway.

 **@ericbittle  
** Happy Sunday, y’all.

* * *

  
**9\. family facebook photo**

**@ericbittle**  
Good morning everyone! Second Sunday of Advent!!

 **@ericbittle**  
9th of December = Family Facebook Photo Day

 **@ericbittle  
** Because HECK sending Christmas cards tbh. Way too much effort.

 **@ericbittle  
** My mama sends Christmas cards every year and she talks about us in the letter. Same thing.

 **@ericbittle  
** Y’all should see what she writes about us. It’s amazing!!!

 **@ericbittle  
** An actual excerpt: “Gabi has entered Miss Clark’s kindergarten class and is thriving. She’s learning the alphabet and has mastered 1-9.”

 **@ericbittle  
** “Jack is playing his 12th season in the NHL. Captain of the Providence Falconers, he’s currently leading the league in points scored.”

 **@ericbittle  
** I mean, that was written at a very specific point in history because that was the case for like a weekend.

 **@ericbittle  
** She’s so supportive though!

 **@ericbittle  
** “Eric is working on his third recipe book. He’s still writing for the New York Times and his blog, Easy As Pie.”

 **@ericbittle  
** I should hire her to do my publicity.

 **@ericbittle  
** Honestly the best bit is how much she talks about Bob and Alicia. Alicia’s latest documentary and Bob’s charity and their new dog.

 **@ericbittle  
** “We spent a lovely weekend in Providence for Noah’s birthday with Eric’s family and the Zimmermanns. We went to the zoo.”

 **@ericbittle  
** “Noah cried when he saw the elephants. He loved the meerkats and the penguins. Bob made a hilarious joke about Pittsburg teams.”

 **@ericbittle  
** AND OH HOW WE LAUGHED.

 **@ericbittle  
** “Noah is the sunniest little boy. He loves drawing and reading with his dads and talking on the phone.”

 **@ericbittle**  
MY NOAH???

 **@ericbittle  
** My Noah loves NOTHING.

 **@ericbittle  
** That’s unfair.

 **@ericbittle  
** My Noah is super smiley when he wants to be but I’m stuck in a teething rut right now so I can’t see the wood for the trees.

 **@ericbittle  
** And he can really be a grumpy little so-and-so.

 **@ericbittle  
** He loves his sister, though. And us. And Sesame Street. And his Abby Cadabby doll.

 **@ericbittle  
** That Abby. She’s a cutie.

 **@ericbittle**  
WHEN SHE DOES HER MAGIC. SO PRECIOUS.

 **@ericbittle  
** Fun fact: Noah can say Abby.

 **@ericbittle  
** I FORGOT TO TELL Y’ALL, NOAH HAS STARTED SAYING ‘GOOD MORNING’.

 **@ericbittle  
** AND HE SAYS IT EVERY MORNINGGGGGGGGGGGG.

 **@ericbittle  
** God he’s the greatest toddler in the universe. I love him so much.

 **@ericbittle  
** And he’s whining again. I feel like wearing Christmas sweaters should NOT be optional for Christmas photos but try telling that to a baby.

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Noah. Darling. Please?  
N: NO DADDY

 **@ericbittle  
** Apparently Gabs helped him put on a jersey this morning and now he’s not going to let me take it off so ANOTHER HOCKEY PHOTO IT IS.

 **@ericbittle  
** I should have known what I was getting myself in for.

 **@ericbittle  
** Bittle #1: nice shirt and tie  **  
** #2: cute af sweater (looks so good!!)  **  
** #3: tutu/hoodie combo  **  
** #4: will not take off chowder’s jersey

 **@ericbittle  
** I’m giving up on having a coordinated photo.  
This is real life, people.

 **@ericbittle  
** OK Bittle Family Christmas Card Adventures are a go!!! Who is going to crack first: the toddler or the husband? 

 **@ericbittle  
** J: What if we put the tripod just over –    
Me: Honey I need you to stop right there

 **@ericbittle  
** J: I did photography in college.  
Me: I shot every recipe in my books.  
J: My subjects were alive.  
Me: Jack. Baby. Love of my life. No.

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Just hold the baby and let me pose you.

 **@ericbittle  
** Positioning tripod while moving husband into suitable position with baby on his hip. Said baby will not remove his thumb from his mouth.

 **@ericbittle  
** Other than to say his favorite word, of course.

 **@ericbittle  
** G: DADDY NOAH SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE MY SHOES  
Me: Sweetheart Noah is one   
Me: He doesn't have opinions on shoes

 **@ericbittle  
** G: BUT HE SAID  **  
** J: Honey he doesn't know what he's saying **  
** J: Do you, baby?  **  
** N: NO!!!!!!!!!!!

 **@ericbittle  
** J: I bet you don't even care about the economy.  **  
** N: NO  **  
** J: or climate change **  
** N: no

 **@ericbittle  
** J: look at the world you're creating, you monster **  
** N: ......... no

 **@ericbittle  
** If baby irritating was an Olympic sport, @jackzimmermann would have another medal. Or Jack and Shitty would be tied, anyway. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Oh, and Lardo. And Caitlin. 

 **@ericbittle  
** And Holster. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Maybe it's like synchronized swimming. Synchronized Baby Annoying. 

 **@ericbittle  
** brb gtg try and take these photos 

 **@ericbittle  
** Lord give me strength

 **@ericbittle  
** Slash I think my mom has organized a real actual shoot when we're down there so this will have to do 

 **@ericbittle  
** TWENTY GD MINUTES LATER 

 **@ericbittle  
** Can we make family Christmas selfies a thing? Noah knows what to do in selfies.

 **@ericbittle  
** As does Gabi. The number of selfies her various uncles send me when they have her is frightening.

 **@ericbittle  
** As opposed to "OK, on three. One, two..."  **  
** Jack: flawless. Noah: grumpy. Gabs: sneezing.

 **@ericbittle  
** Gosh DARN it’s so cold.

 **@ericbittle  
** I hate Providence winters.

 **@ericbittle  
** I’ve lived up here for like 20 years and it still sucksssssssssssss.

 **@ericbittle  
** College was cold and dating was cold and working was cold and marriage is cold.

 **@ericbittle  
** Gabi’s waltzing around in her gumboots and parka. Noah’s just snuggling Jack happily. My nose is bright red.

 **@ericbittle  
** Can I Photoshop it out? Look, probably.

 **@ericbittle  
** Or if I can’t, Lards was a graphic designer for a hot second. I’m sure she can do me a solid.

 **@ericbittle  
** @lardo Pls make me pretty!!!!

 **@ericbittle  
** RT @lardo You’re too kind!!!!!!!!

 **@ericbittle  
** I love my friends <3

 **@ericbittle  
** And I love all y’all!!

 **@ericbittle  
** And I’m not just saying that because y’all put up with my strange rambling stories about my life.

 **@ericbittle  
** Or because I’m inside the house and can actually feel my toes again.

 **@ericbittle  
** I love y’all honestly and sincerely.

 **@ericbittle  
** Happy 9th of December.

 **@ericbittle  
** Or as Gabs would say, HAPPY ONE DAY CLOSER TO CHRISTMAS DADDY HOW MANY SLEEPS??????

 **@ericbittle  
** 16, my love. 16.

* * *

**17\. present shopping**

**@ericbittle  
** Third Sunday of Advent!! Today we take the kids shopping individually so that they can buy us presents.

 **@ericbittle  
** Theoretically. Noah isn’t really clued in re: present buying so Jack took Gabs and I walked around with the bae for an hour

 **@ericbittle  
** Trying to get him to stop crying.

 **@ericbittle  
** I don’t want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
MY CHILD TO STOP TEETHING

 **@ericbittle  
** So yah anyway Jack got to go present shopping with a 5yo and I bounced Noah around the mall trying to get him to stop crying.

 **@ericbittle  
** Which I eventually got super sick of because I’m not Supernanny.

 **@ericbittle  
** But my precious husband still needed presents for his parents because he needs to post them aaaaaaaaaall the way to Canada.

 **@ericbittle  
** That far-off maple-scented beaver-ridden land. Eh.

 **@ericbittle  
** Our kids are joint Canadian/US so I’m well and truly outnumbered.

 **@ericbittle  
** One day I’m going to get dual and THEN I CAN MAKE ALL THE CANADIAN JOKES I WANT AND I’LL BE ALLOWED.

 **@ericbittle  
** Like when Jack says y’all.

 **@ericbittle  
** It’s so funny I love it.

 **@ericbittle  
** Picture Jack slightly drunk: “Y’all think y’all are so funny but y’all aren’t”.

 **@ericbittle  
** He tries. Sometimes.

 **@ericbittle  
** ANYWAY I ended up taking Noah home because he was miserable and I couldn’t just put him in his stroller because we’re attached at the hip.

 **@ericbittle  
** I wish that was a pun.

 **@ericbittle  
** But no, I’ve got a whimpering Noah-shaped growth on my hip.

 **@ericbittle  
** SO FUN

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Baby, what if I just put you here for three seconds  
N: DADDY PLEASE NO  
N: *looks wounded for hours*

 **@ericbittle**  
Cue me doing chores with Noah in the Baby Bjorn.

 **@ericbittle  
** So many fun activities can be done while carrying a baby!

 **@ericbittle**  
Baby pie. Baby photographing pie. Baby writing a blog post. Baby folding laundry. Baby reading a magazine. Baby phone call with Mama.

 **@ericbittle**  
At least it’s easy to read to a baby when they’re strapped to you.

 **@ericbittle**  
And now I’m watching Sesame Street with Lap Baby because will he let me let him go? NAH FAM.

 **@ericbittle  
** This boy loves Abby.

 **@ericbittle**  
And now we’re learning! The letter of the day is D. D is for daddy. And done.

 **@ericbittle**  
And the number of the day is 1. Like the number of toddlers I’m carrying around right now.

 **@ericbittle**  
HE FELL ASLEEP AND I TRIED TO PUT HIM DOWN AND THEN HE WOKE UP AGAIN

 **@ericbittle**  
#bittleparentingadventures

 **@ericbittle**  
Sometimes I’m like “Gabi wasn’t this hard” and then I’m like “Oh my God remember that roadie of Jack’s when she had that ear infection”?

 **@ericbittle**  
And I barely slept for a week and Shitty and Lardo came over to take it in turns sitting up with her?

 **@ericbittle**  
So yeah this little angel is just fine. I love him anyway.

 **@ericbittle**  
Within moderation.

 **@ericbittle  
** J: *gets home with Gabi*  
J: Hi babe how was your –  
Me: TAKE YOUR SON

 **@ericbittle  
** N: *grumbles while being handed over*  
Husband: *tries to make conversation*  
Me: *runs*

 **@ericbittle  
** Currently lying in the bathtub trying not to drop and fry my phone. Jack’s getting dinner.

 **@ericbittle  
** J: I’ll see what’s in the fridge. How do you feel about steak?  
Me: Fuck it just make Easy Mac.  
Me: Save me some pls.  
Me: Also wine.

 **@ericbittle  
** Remember when baths were relaxing? Ahahahahahahahaha because I don’t.

 **@ericbittle  
** Am I hiding? I’m trying, I guess.  
AND YET

 **@ericbittle  
** G: Daddy where’s my book?  
Me: Is it in your school bag?  
G: I didn’t look  
Me: Please. Go. Look.  
G: OH THERE IT IS

 **@ericbittle  
** G: *runs down the hall*  
Me: Gabs no running!  
G: I’m OK! Papa’s about to start –  
G: *promptly falls down the stairs*

 **@ericbittle  
** G: *bursts into tears*  
N: *decides to join in bc life is hard when you’re 1*  
J: Bits??????  
Me: CAN’T HEAR YOU HONEY

 **@ericbittle  
** Felt guilty after twenty minutes and came downstairs. Did I enjoy the fuck out of those twenty minutes? You bet your sweet ass I did.

 **@ericbittle  
** Jack has broken his stupid No TV On Weeknights rule and for that I am truly thankful.

 **@ericbittle  
** Trying Not To Disturb Dozing Toddler While Refilling Wine Glass In Front Of Paw Patrol is not a skill I thought I’d need but here I am.

 **@ericbittle  
** Gabs: coloring  
Noah: half asleep on sofa between parents, thumb in mouth  
Jack: happily watching baby breathe  
Me: yelling at paw patrol

 **@ericbittle  
** WHY HAS NO-ONE TAUGHT CHICKALETTA HOW TO SWIM YET

 **@ericbittle  
** SHE’S SO DUMB

 **@ericbittle  
** THIS IS NOT A GOOD LESSON TO BE TEACHING CHILDREN

 **@ericbittle  
** SHE’S THE WORSTTTTTT

 **@ericbittle  
** “Daddy she’s trying her best”  
My poor diplomatic child.

 **@ericbittle  
** There are no excuses to make for her, Gabs. Sweet little corn-for-brains fool.

 **@ericbittle  
** J: My grandparents had a dog like that.  
J: So precious. Such an idiot.  
G: PAPA ARE WE GETTING A DOG CAN WE GET A DOG WHAT IF WE GOT A DOG

 **@ericbittle  
** THANKS JACK.

 **@ericbittle**  
WE WERE HAVING SUCH A GOOD EVENING AND THEN HE SAID THAT WORD.

 **@ericbittle  
** House Rule Number One: Don’t say the D word.

 **@ericbittle**  
OK Noah’s in bed, Gabi’s reading in bed, Paw Patrol is O.F.F.

 **@ericbittle**  
Time for some grownup time.

 **@ericbittle**  
Love y’all.

* * *

**23\. cookie swap**

**@ericbittle  
** Before I bore y'all with my life, I'm going to a cookie swap and I wrote about it on the blog! easyaspie.com/2029/12/23/cookie-swa...

 **@ericbittle  
** I think I'm providing the majority of the cookies and I don't hate it. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Brief summary: snickerdoodles, classic choc chip, mint choc chip, GF sugar cookies, maple shortbread because LOL JACK IS CANADIAN REMEMBER

 **@ericbittle  
** Maple jokes for days. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Anyway. Back to the important stuff.

 **@ericbittle  
** Y'ALL 

 **@ericbittle  
** TWO DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. 

 **@ericbittle  
** SO MUCH TO DO 

 **@ericbittle  
** SO LITTLE TIME 

 **@ericbittle  
** Remember when I used to get stressed around this time of year?   
Childless Eric had no idea.

 **@ericbittle  
** Young Stupid Eric: Only concerned about presents and food  
Old Wise Eric: PRESENTS FOR CHILDREN FOOD FOR CHILDREN 

 **@ericbittle  
** It's a whole nother kettle of fish, guys. Kids don't lie so if they don't like something they just look so sad.

 **@ericbittle  
** Anyway, my husband has THREE WHOLE DAYS OFF so we're going to sunny Georgia!!!  
Plus we're adults with money and priorities so it's only going to take three hours praise be.

 **@ericbittle  
** None of that eighteen-hours-in-a-car nonsense for this family.

 **@ericbittle  
** If we did that Gabi would spontaneously combust out of boredom and Noah's teething sadness would melt my brains and Jack would probably leave us all at a rest stop. 

 **@ericbittle  
** JOKES I would clearly be the one leaving everyone behind. 

 **@ericbittle  
** OK BYE GUYS I'M GOING TO GO DO CHRISTMAS WITH MY NON-CRYING FAMILY SEE Y'ALL IN THE NEW YEAR is what I would say if I was heartless.

 **@ericbittle  
** As is ... I'm not there yet.

 **@ericbittle  
** YET HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA pls send help

 **@ericbittle  
** So anyway Jack's at a game and I have spent the last half hour trying to psych myself up and Go Out Into The Cold 

 **@ericbittle  
** We've got plans to see the gang for cookies before we all go our separate ways and don't see each other FOR LIKE A WEEK   
which will honestly be really weird

 **@ericbittle  
** And the babies would be so excited if they knew but they don't know because I'm contemplating calling in Georgian. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Draft text: Sorry guys too cold too northern too little motivation too little packing has occurred etc.

 **@ericbittle  
** WHY DIDN'T I SEE THIS COMING   
Fun reminder: Everyone you know follows you on here.

 **@ericbittle  
** The phone rings. Gabi answers it before I can get to it.   
G: Hiiiiiiiiii. What do you mean, where are we? We're having cookies at your house?!?!?!?!? DADDY WE'RE HAVING COOKIES AT ELISE'S HOUSE TIME TO GO

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Give me the phone, Gabs.  
G: But Uncle Ransom says --  
Me: Give. Me. The. Phone. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: WHY WOULD YOU  
R: No pain, no gain Bits.   
Me: FULL PAIN LIMITED GAIN   
R: Pls come, your cookies are the best.

 **@ericbittle  
** TRU.  
Anyway Gabi's told Noah that we're going so I guess I have no choice.

 **@ericbittle  
** Check back soon for any and all ridiculous conversations these dweebs have. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Well, that didn't take long. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Get out of the car. Unbuckle Gabi. Attempt to unbuckle Noah who is the squirmiest toddler I have EVER RAISED.   
Meanwhile Gabi has run to the door. 

 **@ericbittle  
** H: What's the password?   
G: I don't know.   
H: You can't come in then.  
G: WHY  
H: LIFE ISN'T FAIR. 

 **@ericbittle  
** G: *contemplates crying*  
H: *sees eyes, immediately overcompensates*  
G: *is now eating about sixteen different cookies* 

 **@ericbittle  
** Note to self: Noah can have one cookie. Maybe two. No matter how many times he bats those big eyes at Lardo.

 **@ericbittle  
** L: Bits are you sure he can't have another one?  
Me: HE WILL NEVER SLEEP   
Me: WE'RE GETTING ON A PLANE TOMORROW   
L: Yeah but 

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: I know. Stay strong.   
L: *hands baby to Ransom*  
R: You don't want cookies anyway, do you, kid?   
N: *slowly shakes head, thumb goes into mouth*

 **@ericbittle  
** Ransom is the baby wrangler and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.   
Shitty's great but Ransom is like a hypnotist. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Holster's a bit like Elise's big brother but she's safe and happy and loved so he must be doing something right. 

 **@ericbittle  
** Speaking of Holster, he's coloring with the girls.   
Keep in mind that Elise is like 2. 

 **@ericbittle  
** G: Uncle Holster, can you pass me the blue?   
H: You mean cerulean?   
G: The blue. By your elbow.   
H: Indigo?

 **@ericbittle  
** Elise: BLUE   
H: Azure?   
G: *reaches over and grabs it*  
H: OH THAT BLUE

 **@ericbittle  
** G: *is grumpy*  
E: *is confused*  
H: *has sense of humor of a teenage boy*

 **@ericbittle  
** ANYWAY Christmas plans are as follows:   
RH&E: R's parents   
S&L: Hawaii (because "fuck the snow" - SK)  
Us: SUNNY GEORGIA 

 **@ericbittle  
** Or, as Gabs would say, "We're spending xmas with my daddy's parents because montreal is too cold and daddy goes crazy without sun JACK" 

 **@ericbittle  
** She may have overheard our vacation planning convo a few months ago. 

 **@ericbittle  
** We're going to go up to MTL next time Jack plays the Habs to see Bob and Alicia so everyone is happy as a clam.

 **@ericbittle  
** Plus the Zimmermanns are spending the holidays with some uncle of Jack's so the odds are good he has either a Stanley Cup or an Oscar.

 **@ericbittle**  
Which should make for a fun Skype call Christmas morning. 

 **@ericbittle**  
Oh, by the way, this cookie swap has turned into Everyone Take Bitty’s Cookies Because No-One Else Baked.

 **@ericbittle**  
My kids are not amused.

 **@ericbittle**  
G: Daddy we can have your cookies all the time.  
Me: But do you?  
G: ……… No.  
G: *grabs another cookie*

 **@ericbittle  
** Me: Gabs, no more please.  
G: Just one more please.  
S: Gabs, leave some for us!

 **@ericbittle**  
G: Daddy will bake you cookies whenever you want!  
G: He doesn’t let us have cookies all the time because we’re kids.

 **@ericbittle**  
S: MY GODDAUGHTER  
S: SUCH A LIL NEGOTIATOR

 **@ericbittle**  
If my daughter takes after Shitty Knight she’ll be very lucky but also she’s much too young for this.

 **@ericbittle**  
Dear Lord, please save me from the fate of having to raise a little Knight baby. Let her be passionate but maybe less vulgar. Amen.

 **@ericbittle  
** And isn't that just a Christmas prayer for the ages.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://murrayhewitt.tumblr.com) if you so desire.


End file.
